I asked John about his views on prom, and he responded with strong and thought-out opinions. He does not wish to attend this event because it seems like a waste of money and time, which could be used for many other things. He scoffed at $150 simply for admission. He plans to do something that still includes time with his friends, but that would be more fun and leave better memories. He would not want to see people from high school because he loathes the fancy clothes, money and formality that is so “anti-body”. “I’d never want to be around people I don’t want to be around, especially if they are dressed and have a very high opinion of themselves and are very happy about being there when I’m not happy that they’re there.” If he did go to prom, he would fulfill his role as a male by asking and bringing a date and spend more money than her. He would consider the party as a final goodbye to his high school friends. To John, the idea of looking back on prom as a reflection of his entire high school experience is pathetic and inaccurate.
To John, prom is like unnecessarily putting on an unrealistic image, and a thing for teenaged high schoolers who look older than they act. Thus, it is below his maturity level. “This is a very arbitrary turning point that is not reflective of reality.” John thinks that high school romance and looking handsome/beautiful is heavily discussed, but drinking and sex are taboo. He cannot think of a movie that discusses alcohol or sex, and thinks this indicates that we should be ashamed of sex and drinking.
I also interviewed Martyna, who has never been to an American prom. She wishes to attend one because she wants to experience as much of the culture while she is here. Prom in Poland differs from prom in the US; it is 100 days before the SAT, and “I think we are more mature about it than people here. We have monthly preparations for a special dance, and it is more about being elegant and less about showing off.” Martyna envisions prom here to include many dress colors, simple dancing and eating, and a Prom King and Queen contest. Everything she knows about prom is from movies and books, as she has never been around to experience one herself. Media generally includes the Cool Couple, the Nerd who goes alone, and various other stereotypes.
Her ideal prom would be to be asked to it as a date so that she did not have to hang out alone. “You never know, being the wallflower that I am.” She feels that her role as a female prom-goer is to look good so that she does not embarrass her date. She understands that there is a huge business around prom, some of which are not tasteful or practical. Corsages are only sold for proms, and a type of stereotypical prom dress has developed, and is “not very pretty but really expensive”.
Felix, who is older than me but who I still consider a buddy, did not go to prom in high school because he had no significant other and only wanted to go with someone who was romantically connected to him. It was hard for him to find a date because he was at a school for boys. He does not regret that decision, as he has been to 8 SOF proms as a chaperone. The traditional role for a male at a prom is to generally be a gentleman (buy corsage, pick up date, agree to matching outfits, etc). He admits that there is an argument for media hindering and helping prom-goers. Prom is supposed to dress up, put on more make-up and act more gentleman-like. “Maybe people should be like themselves and shouldn’t have a thing called prom. But you could say this about any structured social event.”
One SOF prom that stands out to him is last years. He could not recognize a girl there, and neither could many of the students. He looked at her and thought “Wow this person looks amazing.” After realizing who she was, he saw that she had totally transformed. “I couldn’t tell who she was, and I had actually known her for 4 years! The pictures don’t do it justice!” He noticed over the years that the people at proms danced and dressed differently. “Kids grind a lot more, because the music tells you to do so. It became more creative and kids try to look a little different or be more funky…it’s not so traditional.”
Lastly, I interviewed my dad about his prom experiences. He went to two, neither of which were at his own school. (He changed schools right before senior year and did not know his classmates well). “I tend to regard it as the worst date I ever went on. I liked the person but she sort of became a different person that night. Alcohol played a role in it.” This date was a mistake because is date was moving away after graduation and felt the need to spend the entire date with her friends. My dad felt like a prop rather than a respected date. Prom was not a matter of huge importance to him because he switched schools so much that the idea that it is a final communal goodbye was moot to him.
My dad thinks that prom can be problematic when people see it as an opportunity to go farther physically than they normally would, and when people have very high expectations beforehand. “I think it is special to people because it’s a celebration of ‘we’ve gotten through high school and are on top of the world’, and it’s not just partying…which is okay.”
I think that teenagers have stronger opinions about prom than adults, even those who have experienced it in some way. Both John and Martyna had opposite opinions, but wished very strongly to avoid or attend prom. Felix and my father did not feel regretful about proms in their youth, and both had opportunities to go to proms even if they did not attend their own. Perhaps they cared less because they were males, or because they are the type of people who prefer to serve and make others happy rather than satisfy their own egos or party. Both adults found that prom is quite sexualized, and this fact was only mentioned when John said it was taboo. Perhaps it is just taboo among younger people? Perhaps teenagers do not realize how sexualized prom is until they go, and pay the concept little mind. I noticed also that who one’s date is the way they see prom, whether looking forward or back.
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