HW 26 - Looking Back and Forward In Unit

        The Illness and Dying Unit has provoked various feelings and ideas in my mind. I learned while watching Sicko that taxes are not necessarily a negative part of the government, and that they often promote social equality, happiness and health. In our Capitalist government, adults complain about taxes. Based on my observations of the French and Canadians in Sicko and a Swedish woman's musings upon her socialist government, many people don't mind higher taxes when they see the results, and the drastic differences between the US and their own countries.

             While reading "Tuesdays With Morrie", I gained a new perspective towards having a fulfilling life. When Mitch Albom questions Morrie about what Morrie's perfect day would be, Morrie describes a very normal day. "It was so simple. So average...How could he find perfection in such a simple day? Then i realized that this was the whole point" (page 176). This passage reiterated for me the idea that life (to Morrie) is not about pursuing the most exotic, exciting thing and activities possible, so as to obtain happiness. Fulfillment in life is found by finding love and friendship in what is already there. This is one man's opinion, but it makes sense to me. The idea of finding fullness and beauty in each event and thing (like a budding plant, the view out of a window or a discussion with a dear friend) is so simple, and yet so many people spend their lives buying and spending to reach happiness, only to experience regret later. I will try to live like Morrie: fearlessly looking, and seeing the beauty in what is right there.

            Another insight I gained from "Tuesdays With Morrie", was that life is literally the process of your body decaying, withering away. We can prolong that process by keeping the body healthy and treating it well, but we cannot prevent death, and if we value the body or other materials too much, we will be sorely disappointed. Therefore, because love and human bonds last longer than death, we should build upon that aspect or life as much as possible. I think that is why Morrie said that "Love is the only rational act."

            I learned that it is possible to live by one's values in extreme, life changing ways. Most people I know have regrets about the way they are living, or wish they could do more to make a difference, but cannot because of family obligations, financial troubles, physical limits, or lack of education. Nearly every action Paul Farmer takes, whether traveling, speaking, reading, or writing, is done in accordance with his values and beliefs. This is encouraging and inspiring, albeit the fact that living by one's beliefs often means considerable sacrifices.

            I found that "Tuesdays With Morrie" was very helpful to me in understanding our culture's dominant social practices, and alternatives to them. Morrie described the way our culture avoids and fears death and negative feelings. He expressed that it is better to dive in and experience emotions completely, understanding them and thus being able to recognize them later. Once that emotion is understood, it can be dealt with maturely later in life. Evan's mother provided an example of this alternative in the way she dealt with her husband's death. She openly discussed her emotions during and after the painful experience, and (in my opinion) revealed emotional and mental health and maturity as a result. "Mountains Beyond Mountains" also revealed this dominant practice to some degree; Farmer reveled in the enthusiasm and utter emotions that his Haitian fellows always had; this connotes a contrast between the US citizens and the Haitians he has encountered. Because he was used to the reserved emotional state of his childhood country, he was surprised and pleased by the openly emotional Haitian nation. Our culture's dominant social practice of avoiding certain emotions is also revealed in the struggle of Paul Farmer and Partners In Health to find enough money to help the horrible, sad needs of the sick. If our culture was more willing to accept unpleasant feelings and thoughts of sickness, then more people would acknowledge and be moved to act for the needy.  

           I think that, because we have explored our own feelings about illness and dying, as well as the feelings of our families and average fellow citizens, we should learn about what the "experts" say. We should also learn about what qualifies someone to be an expert about such topics, particularly death. Perhaps we should explore how the opinions of the experts contrast or correlate with dominant social views, and our own views. We should question how the experts have/have not transformed our beliefs about death and sickness. I have never heard of an expert of death, but the closest possible person could be someone who claims to have died and come back to life, or who has been someone/thing in another life. The experts of sickness are probably doctors like Paul Farmer, or the fatally ill like Morrie Schwartz. Perhaps in class could outline the views of "experts", because this method of reviewing helps students to hear the ideas of their peers, understand their culture's views through visuals, and remember what they learned thus far in the unit.

HW #24 - Illness & Dying Book, Part 3

            I am reading Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder. Random House Inc. published it in 2003, but excerpts from the book were originally published in the New York Times. It is a New York Times Bestseller and a winner of the Pulitzer Prize.

For three years I traveled with Paul Farmer, who is a doctor in the fullest and perhaps most unusual sense of the word. Paul Farmer started PIH (Partners In Health) 1987 with the help of close friends, and it blossomed into a global, fully staffed organization that works to help the poor communities in Peru, Haiti, Boston, and Russia. PIH focuses on patients afflicted with Tuberculosis, Human Immunodeficiency Virus, and Multiple Drug Resistance, but this focus leads to extensive attempts at transforming the patients’ ways of living, and even their country.  For example, Haitians that drink impure water or Russian prisoners living with HIV positive and Bacilli ridden in-mates are much more likely to develop a or suffer worsened disease than a those with sanitary cells or wells.  Both PIH and Farmer operate with the attitude that all patients deserve to be healed and maximally helped, regardless of their home, their political standpoint, their ability to pay, the severity of their disease, or their health history.

Doing whatever it takes to heal a patient (like hiking through mountainous terrain for seven hours to visit a patient or providing concrete floors, solid roofs, Canadian crutches, a flight from Haiti to Boston, a radio, a $20,000 treatment) is disputed by many other doctors and government officials. PIH and Farmer are criticized for acting unsustainably or with economical inefficiency, but they continue to focus on the individual patient with the money they have, rather than solving the issue of the sick and dying with a superficial, incomplete, “cost efficient” health plan. Farmer is an empathetic, and natural leader, doctor, friend, father, professor, and husband who has dedicated his life to helping the needy.  Despite constantly working in situations filled with despair and utter grief, Farmer refuses to feel hopeless, stop helping the poor long enough to sleep or eat, find a less stressful profession, or give up.

 “But he’d always return to Cange. It seemed to me that he didn’t have a plan for his life so much as he had a pattern. He was like a compass, with one let swinging around the globe and the other planted in Haiti” (page 260). Farmer is unusual in that he has a purpose, but no specific plan. He takes on each patient, flight, email, and need day by day. His pattern of traveling is seemingly unpredictable, except that he wishes he was in Haiti when he’s not in Haiti. That is his most home-like “nest”.

 “It’s so easy, as least for me, to mistake a person’s material resources for his interior ones” (page 274). I think that Kidder means that it is instinctual to judge others based on a first glance at their ability to help. It is easy to forget that there is more to someone than what they have. Potential is invisible, unless time is taken to see it.

“I’ve never found it easy to trust another person to lead me anywhere, but I trust Farmer” (page 284). This quote reveals Farmer’s ability to lead others. Being a leader requires trust from the followers, and Farmer is obviously trustworthy to those around him. Even Tracy Kidder, who is not naturally trusting, is confident in Farmer’s ability to lead him to safety and comfort.

                In all societies, I see that health is a struggle. I do not know anyone is effortlessly healthy in every respect, or who has never been sick or injured. In my culture, people must make a conscious effort to maintain healthy habits. In Haiti and other impoverished countries, such healthy habits are nearly unattainable because resources like medicine, education, housing and money are difficult to come by. Thus, an expensive procedure and treatment like John’s in Chapter 25 was perceived as a miracle by his fellow Hatians. Health in Haiti equates to having enough, whereas remaining fit for me and many others often requires avoidance. We must avoid habits that negate health, like smoking, overeating, or couch potato-ism. Where they have to little, we have too much. Where they struggle with the idea of “enough”, we struggle with greed. Both countries contain illness, but manner in which people approach it is different because of this difference in resources.    

HW #25 - Response To Sicko

Precis:

            Americans are suffering, whether from accidental injuries, inherited disease, indulging in health-hindering habits, or work-related injuries. Many of them cannot afford insurance, and thus cannot pay for costly expenses such as a new finger where one was lost after an accident with a saw, treatment for cervical cancer, providing complete hearing for a three year old, or prescription medicine. However, even Americans with insurance are turned away from necessary medical attention. This is a result of the capitalist nature of insurance companies; the less people that are helped, the more profitable the company. Although free health care for all has been fought for by Hilary Clinton and various other politicians, it remains an essential aspect of capitalism in the US. The fear of communism reign was the main contributing factor in the failure to obtain free health care for all. However, many aspects of our country, such as libraries, fire fighting, and police departments are socialist, and other countries such as France and Canada enjoy Socialist health care. Why can’t it work for us, too?

Evidence:
            Michael Moore argued that capitalist health insurance should be changed to socialist health care in the US, because the current health care system has proven to be ineffective in helping the most people possible (thus hindering the pursuit of happiness, liberty, freedom, and justice) and a because stellar alternative can be found through the example of more socialist nations.

He evidenced this by quoting former and current employees corporate insurance providers: “Doctors with the highest percentage of denials get a bonus.” Those who are meant to care for American citizens are given a tangible incentive to do the opposite, and deny them health care. “Terminology used for acceptance in insurance is ‘Medical Loss.’” Insurance companies evidently see an accepted applicant for insurance as a regrettable occurrence. This is effective evidence, because it supports the argument that the current health care system in the US does not promote a national pursuit of happiness, liberty, freedom, justice, or even honesty. If the government or insurance companies were more motivated to pursue such ideals, then less applicants would be denied, and the government would not allow insurance companies to be so capitalist that they could only afford to turn many needy individuals away.  

            Michael Moore argued that there are alternatives to our system of health care by interviewing and exploring many people throughout Europe, specifically Europe. He did so in Canada as well. A doctor in Europe said, “I’m very happy to be part of a system that allows me to help people.” This man had been exposed to the differences between the US and his country, and he found that the need to turn patients away was something he could do without. This supports that claim that a socialist health care program would serve American citizens better than its current state of medical care, because it implies that a socialist program pleases both patients and doctors. Michael Moore also mentioned that the “Poorest in England can expect to live longer than the wealthiest in America”, “A baby in El Salvador has a better chance of surviving than an American baby”, “Canadians, on average, can expect to live three years longer than and Americans“, and “The mortality rate in America is the lowest in the Western World.” He did not provide evidence behind such claims, but if these claims are true, they are very effective evidence for why other countries have a better form of health care, because they reveal the immense life, happiness, and ease that can be found in such nations.

I explored the claim that a baby in El Salvador has a better chance at life than an infant in the US. I researched the infant mortality rate in El Salvador and in the US. I found that this claim was incorrect. According to the CIA Online Factbook, the infant mortality rate in El Salvador is 20.97 out of 1,000 babies (https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/geos/es.html). In the US, the infant mortality rate is 6.14 out of 1,000 (https://www.cia.gov/library/publications/the-world-factbook/fields/2091.html?countryName=United%20States&countryCode=us&regionCode=na&#us). Michael Moore was either misinformed, or the mortality rate in one or both of the countries drastically changed since the making of “Sicko”, or he knowingly used false evidence.

I enjoyed “Sicko”, because it approached an issue I had little experience to prior to viewing it. This documentary had captivating cinematography and skillful narrating. For example, when Moore discussed the reluctance of many to advocate for a free medical system, he followed the modern images of Hilary Clinton at a podium with clips from communist propaganda films. This use of images allowed the viewer to imagine what anti-free medical system politicians and citizens may have had in mind when this topic was first introduced. It also brought humor to the issue; some would find it comical that advocating for free medical care for all would correspond to a complete and cruel communist government. I found it odd that a fear of communism would overpower the motivation to bring about health and happiness. I think Moore was mocking their fear. I don’t know how effective this was to persuade the audience that socialist medical care is positive, but it made the movie more entertaining

This movie affected my perception of sickness and death in our culture when I discovered that sickness is simply unimportant and irrelevant to some people, especially those in control of such sickness. Many people would prefer to get a bonus in their job, despite the sacrifice of others’ discomfort, and potentially lives.

HW #23 - Illness and Dying Book, Part 2

 

I am reading Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder. Random House Inc. published it in 2003, but excerpts from the book were originally published in the New York Times. It is a New York Times Bestseller and a winner of the Pulitzer Prize.

Howard Hiatt wished to discuss the MDR-treatment project in Peru and thus promote Partners In Health, and such a discussion took place in 1998 at the American Academy of Arts and Sciences in Boston. Remarkably, after treating fifty-three people for about two years, 85% of them were cured of Tuberculosis.  Jim Kim, Arata Kochi and Paul Farmer agreed that “Dots-plus” is an effective term to use in reference to the strategy that would treat areas with drug resistance. Kochi enabled those at the meeting to discuss MDR treatment, but there were many arguments and conflicts surrounding the issue of treatment. The biggest problem of MDR treatment is the need for money, and this was discussed in depth until one doctor mentioned that they were there to assist the patient, not assist the patient as long as it is convenient and cost-efficient. The meeting closed with a quote by Margaret Mead.

"Farmer looked away, just a quick glance to the left and right. I'd seen him do this in patients' rooms at the Brigham–look at the patient, then glance up at the TV for a moment, then return, as if disconnecting so as to reconnect fully” (page 158). I wonder why Farmer always looks away from the eyes of his patients and then back again. Perhaps he is frustrated that they are thanking him for something that he can never do perfectly (heal the sick). Perhaps he feels thankful for the privilege to help someone and be the object of their sincere affections.  Maybe he uses that moment away from the patient’s gaze to recollect his emotions, which could be stronger than he lets on.

“Excuse me, Ken, but why do you qualify my talk as provocative? I just said we should treat sick people, if we have the technology” (page 147). Farmer is implying that his talk served the purpose of treating sick people with all necessary resources that are available. His speech ignored the possibility of being what the other doctors at the conference called “efficient”. Efficiency is dehumanizing to Farmer, because it entails turning people away, and seeing just their sickness or their quantity. I appreciate that he said this to Ken, because it strengthened the message of the speech; it motivated people to categorize it as more than a “provocative speech.”

“She thought he’d never experienced true depression, a freedom so enviable she almost resented it. ‘I’ve never known despair and I don’t think I ever will,’ he wrote me once. It was as if in seeking out suffering in some of the world’s most desperate locales, he made himself immune to the self-consuming varieties of psychic pain” (page 189). According to Ophelia, Farmer has never experienced all-consuming sadness that kept him from functioning. Farmer, amidst the pain, death, and dying he sees, feels, and works with daily, has hope. Despairing would make his work pointless, for what is striving to help others without some hope? He cannot afford to despair. He is so caught up in the troubles of other lives, that he has no energy to focus on his problems, unless they are associated with his work. His hope frees him, and yet he is a slave to helping others.

                This book’s portrayal of the sick and dying is different in several ways than the actions of the sick and dying in my experiences. Most people in my life see doctors as a necessary part of society and life. However, they do not treat doctors with sincere gratitude. If I or a family member gets a checkup, gets vaccinated, or makes an appointment because of an ailment, the happiness associated is more directed to the prospect of being cured, and not the availability of the doctor. People go to doctors to be cured, but not all people have extreme gratitude to the doctors themselves, even in a matter of extreme discomfort of extreme cures. In Haiti, Farmer is sincerely respected and thanked. After a mere day and a half, a Hatian fellow professes to miss Farmer “as the dry, cracked earth misses the rain” (page 183). Hatians pine for their doctor when he is absent. Doctors restore wellness to society, and this wellness is most apparent to the patients in places where it is lacking.

HW 21 B

(Life by) Eloise,
your post raised several intriguing questions that I would like to pursue further. For example, when you said that we essentially come into this world alone and leave it in solitude, I wondered how that is so. Perhaps you could elaborate on this idea when appropriate to the subject matter. I also wondered what you meant by "TIME ENDS"...I think you could have clarified your meaning a little, because this idea is an essential aspect of death and perspectives of it. Perhaps you meant that OUR time ends eventually, or that the way people think of time is inconstant, or that actual time ends? Do you truly believe that people have been dreading their respective demises since the beginning of time? do you think this is true of all cultures? Although I should take my own advice on this, I suggest trying not to use cliches if they are not completely suited to what you want the reader to interpret.
I also recommend typing your blog on Word, using spell check, asking someone to proofread your blog or read it aloud yourself, and then post it. (I'm pretty sure you meant mental illness, not "metal illness", but you don't want to leave the reader guessing.)
Thank you for sharing your experiences with your family; I can tell that they are very precious to you and vice versa.

(Thanksgiving by) Eloise,
I found this post very interesting. I especially liked your insight about photography, and how the reason for picture-taking obsessions is potentially fear. I too have noticed that people are sometimes so afraid to die that they document every moment, but they forget to live.
I didn't really understand your explanation of the game, but the description was a valiant effort =)
Your last sentence is touching, but it could be even more so if it was worded more clearly. "half fill the space empty" was slightly awkward to me...perhaps "the space that his abscence left empty" or "half fill the void of his absence" instead?
Nicely done! Your family and friends sound like wonderful company!

Eloise,
I'm sad to hear about your uncle. That was clearly very rough to go through. I agree about what you said regarding the hospital - they are very uninviting, yet common places to die. I'd be interested to know what you learn about reincarnation in the future, if you research it. I liked the way you described souls as an "energy". I'd never thought about it that way before.
I suggest proofreading your work and having someone else also do so if possible, because it would have been easier and more enjoyable to read if there were not so many spelling and grammatical errors. Good job!

Eloise,
I wish someone had thought to tape it for you.
Evan,
I did sometimes wonder what you were thinking in your mother's presentation, and why you sometimes smiled a bit. I think everyone does have an inherent desire to be heard...sometimes silence can be like shell, a burden. Perhaps you could have elaborated on the "deepest, most painful realms of my thoughts", because it would help the reader to understand your story further. I admire the way you continue to handle this episode with such grace.

Evan,
Thank you for discussing this yet again in a post. You must be very tired of talking about this experience. My favorite line was, "In the end, holistic ways may keep our minds and fortitude alive and well, but there is no denying that in most cases allopathic ways keep our bodies alive, which are essential." I think this is insightful because it helps get to the root of why people sometimes choose one method or the other. I found this quote to be lovely because I've often pondered the psychological implications of someone going to an extreme on the spectrum of allopathic vs. holistic

Evan,
My favorite sentence in this was, "When I meet new people in an intimate environment I usually find myself trying to make an impression, but instead of one that is illustrative of my pain and suffering I end up creating an image of comedy, like I am silly and do not spend time to contemplate the meaning of illness and dying".
I like this quote because most people feel that way to an extent..people want others to be attracted to their personalities and find that there is something deeper to them (at the same time). Because this quote provides insight to a possible basic social human instinct, and because it has some truth in it, I found it rather beautiful.
I would have been interested to read about how being injured during Thanksgiving festivities affects the experience. Was your brother embarrased, bashful, happy to be the center of attention?
Lovely writing!

Evan,
how courageous and good of you to share your experiences with others. It encouraged me to cherish people in my own life more. Thank you for sharing that that your father started a new art collection instead of spending the following months of his life in disheartening spirits; how inspiring! Your writing is skilled and articulate.
Well done!

HW 22 - Illness & Dying Book Part 1

I am reading Mountains Beyond Mountains by Tracy Kidder. Random House Inc. published it in 2003, but excerpts from the book were originally published in the New York Times. It is a New York Times Bestseller and a winner of the Pulitzer Prize.

Précis of Chapter 10:

Paul Farmer and his lover and friend, Ophelia, had a rocky albeit passionate and lovely relationship in the 1980’s. In order to get him alone for several hours, she would have to find him a task, such as driving to another Haitian city, which still somehow served the purpose of healing.  Even when they were alone together, Paul’s focus was never entirely on her; his foremost passion was the overwhelming need of Haiti, and Ophelia sometimes wished that she could be first on his list of priorities. She knew she could never compete with his love for Haiti, and this led to her need to say “No” when he proposed to her. He had trouble forgiving her for a time, but eventually their friendship prevailed even when their romance did not.

                During this time, Paul also formed Partners In Health, a public charity in Boston. Its sister organization, Zanmi Lasante, served to provide medical care in Haiti. Tom White provided the majority of the donations at first, and consistently gave money to the cause. The board of advisers included Tom White, Paul Farmer, Todd McCormack and Jim Yong Kim. Tom, Paul, Jim and Ophelia often lived together in Tom’s home, and constantly discussed issues like the snobby and silly nature of political correctness, the significance of cultural barriers, the foolishness of radical thinkers, changes taking place in Haiti’s political economics, and the certainty of Areas of Moral Clarity (AMC’s).  

 “The goofiness of radicals thinking they have to dress in Guatemalan peasant clothes. The poor don’t want you to look like them. They want you to dress in a suit and go get them food and water. Comma” (page 100).  Appearance is a superficial aspect of “political correctness”; to Paul farmer and his companions, it does not deserve the attention and energy people spend discussing and forming ideas about it. People want to help the needy and raise awareness, but they shouldn’t do so by dressing like the needy. They should ACT. There is too much thinking and discussing about those who need help. In Paul Farmer’s humble opinion, the deciding action of whether or not you are an “asshole” is if you actually desire to help and act upon that desire. Indifference or nothing but talk about helping equate to being an “asshole”.

“I felt as though, in Farmer, I’d been offered another way of thinking about a place like Haiti. But his way would be hard to share, because it implied such an extreme definition of a term like ‘doing one’s best’” (page 8).  I feel similarly to Tracy Kidder. I agree with Farmer’s views that Haiti is worth figuring out, helping, and sacrificing time, money and effort. Believing this is difficult, because it makes it so easy to be a hypocrite of empty words. If someone does not believe that Haiti’s problems are worth saving, then they are not being hypocritical by looking out for their own needs.  If someone has high moral values, they risk either guilt or sacrificing themselves to live by those values. Not everyone wants to “do their best” when it requires so much.

“Can you believe it? Only in Haiti would a child cry out that she’s hungry during a spinal tap” (Page 32). Because Haiti is so destitute and poor, children do not have enough food or clean states of living, which results in sickness. Haiti is so poor, that even the pain of inserting a needle between two vertebrae in the spine cannot outweigh the discomfort of hunger.  I’m surprised by Farmer’s constant raw reaction to this fact. Usually people get used to suffering if they see it constantly, but Farmer is always horrified and angry by these sights. Perhaps this receptiveness to suffering is the cause for his motivation to dedicate his life to Haiti.

                It seems that sickness and dying are horrible, no matter where it occurs, and regardless of how common it is. Evan and his mother experienced acute suffering, even scarring from the loss of death and the discomfort of sickness.  Even though they are in a relatively politically stable country, and they had enough money to make end’s meat, Erik Wood was a valuable person who they could not cure, and his death was terrible. They struggled to make sure that he was treated like a human, and not like his cancer. Similarly, a woman in the book suffered loss when her sister died in a Haitian clinic. The woman who died was pregnant, and had 5 children at home. She only needed a blood donation, and despite the desperate efforts of Farmer and the woman’s sister, her death ensued. Farmer is scarred by the sister incessantly repeating that we are all humans, as if that should be enough to ensure health care for all. Even though death is common in Haiti, it is still commonly horrible. I sometimes used to see poor countries like Haiti as one, gigantic series of deaths and illnesses – a monstrous endeavor to fix. I now see that every person’s suffering is terrible in itself, and that helping just one person is hugely valuable. Hurt is hurt, whether in a hungry Haitian girl, an American boy in 7th grade, a worried mother, a desperate sister, an artist, an educated doctor. Once this is realized, I see no valid excuses for ignoring it.

HW #21 - Expert #1

Beth Bernett (I believe that was her name) courageously came to our class and shared the experience of caring for, loving, and trying to heal her husband, Erik Wood.  Her words were honest, straight forward, and evidently heartfelt. One important aspect of this several-year-long experience, was that Erik’s memory is positive. Those who knew him remember him as an artist, a father, a neighborhood guardian, an involved community member, tenacious, stoic, a “fighter”. Although he was involved in various familial conflicts and was sometimes far from a peace-maker, the positive parts of his memory are particularly preserved. Beth and Evan (her son) mentioned their collective attitude during their father’s increasing state of illness; I found it intriguing that their family denied the possibility of Erik’s demise until the last months and days of his life. If Beth did acknowledge such a possibility, she did not speak of it, especially to Erik. If Erik wanted to pretend that he didn’t have cancer or that it would not kill him, Beth figured, why not let him play along and thrive on his positive energy? Beth seemed very at peace about the loss of her husband and friend; she showed no anger while telling her story except perhaps while verbally regretting their failure to buy insurance, or while reliving the inhumane care in the hospital. Her voice cracked a few times, but her sorrow did not overcome her demeanor. She has accepted that Erik is dead, that she does not know if she will be with him again, that his demise was an inescapable part of life, and that he was neither a saint nor a complete antagonist.

                In my experiences with loss, I have found that it is often best to face its potential from the beginning and let oneself feel. When my pets died and when I lost touch with certain treasured friends at one point, I responded by pretending that it either had not happened or that the occurrence did not bother me. I, like many other people I have seen in life or in literature and the media, often fall into a state of denial over potential loss. This is in a sense making oneself numb as protection.  This seems to be what Erik’s family did for the first several years of his illness; they pretended he would stay alive forever. Because doing this made me more bitter and guarded, I can infer that Evan and Beth did eventually come to terms with the inevitability of Erik’s death, and allowed themselves to feel the grief that accompanied this acknowledgement. If they had pretended that everything was peachy during the duration of Erik’s illness, perhaps they would be bitter now, and would possibly have been unwilling to even speak of this experience during class. I’m glad that Beth and Evan had the courage to deal with their loss in such a direct, honest manner. Beth went into detail describing her husband’s admirable qualities, but did not mention his annoying attributes until questioned further. I also do this in my memory; when I remember my tortoise, I remember the cute way he chomped on lettuce, his patient gait, the way he fit into my palm, his beautiful shell. I don’t immediately recall the odd smell his cage emitted, or the expensive lights required to maintain his optimum environment until I question myself about his unpleasant qualities.

                I was immediately struck after Beth’s presentation by a feeling of rightness, even of beauty. This seemed contradictory to me. How could a story of a valued husband and father dying with his wife at his bedside, after years of fighting cancer, be beautiful or right? I came to realize that my feeling sprung from the way Beth had handled Erik’s death. She grieved, but accepted that he died. I think that there is something almost sweet about pain, because even though pain is an effect of loss, something was there before it was lost. We cannot grieve the loss of something that never was, unless we experienced that something in the first place, or have some inkling of what is missing. Beth’s grief represented  her loving, precious relationship with Erik, and her acceptance of painful experiences as a part of life.  Her pain represents the courage to feel, and THAT is beautiful. I wonder why people generally only speak of the positive attributes of those who have “passed away”. Perhaps they feel that it is unfair to speak badly of someone who has no chance of standing up for himself. Perhaps sweet memories simply make people happy, so that’s what they choose to remember. I appreciate that Beth mentioned both the good and the bad aspects of Erik’s personality, because it helped me and my peers to understand the experience more fully, because it took significant bravery, and because I think it is a honest and respectful way to remember someone.

HW #19 - Family Perspectives On Illness & Dying

               While discussing sickness and death with my dad, we touched upon different methods of treating illness, the pros and cons of taking medication, and his reactions to death and illness. I found that many of his answers were predictable in relation to the cultural views around me.

                My dad responded to my questioning his opinions of allopathic vs. homeopathic remedies by saying, "They both have their place. I'm leaning more toward allopathic. There are probably homeopathic things we would benefit from that we neglect. I don’t know enough about the two to decide when to use them...I tend to rely on the experts". He is not completely against one type of method or another, which I find is typical of most people in this society. Most people know to some extent that providing their body with ample amounts of water will decrease their chances of dehydration, and therefore make them less likely to need an aspirin for their headache. Many people I know drink lots of orange juice when they fear getting sick, because they know that it contains nutrients that strengthen the immune system.  Few people explore homeopathic remedies to their fullest, and I rarely hear people say that they consciously avoid drugs, whether or not those drugs would significantly improve their life. Another similarity between my dad and my society regarding health (or lack thereof) is a tendency to “rely on the experts”. For example, if I show an article called “Deadly Dairy Deception” to someone, they will probably trust that the article speaks truth because it says “M.D.” or “Doctor” next to the author’s name.  I think that I may have a more open mind toward homeopathic methods than other people do; although I will still take the allergy medicine my doctor prescribes me.  I don’t know if this is a result of me going against the views of my father, or if I am just conforming to my current generation’s interest in health and alternatives to the “norm”.

                I asked my dad about his opinions on when and if people should take “traditional” medicine.  He and I agree that people often reach for an allopathic remedy when there might be a sufficient homeopathic alterative.  Ironically, after admitting to automatically using drugs to fix his health issues, he turned to my sister and discussed a cramp he had in his leg. He tried to massage the cramp out instead of taking medicine. He mentioned my cousin’s method of massaging his leg, which entailed using pressure points to stimulate nerves in his leg. My dad perhaps associates homeopathic remedies with more unheard of, strange methods. I think he  and many others do not realize how much they actually uses homeopathic remedies in daily life, because the word “homeopathic” conjures images of primitive, ridiculous-looking practices.

                My dad’s first internal and external reactions to the words “death” and “illness” were essentially negative. He, like most (if not, all) of our society does not look forward to death or sickness.  I don’t know if people dread the uncertainty of death, or the unpleasantness of illness, or are evolutionarily fashioned to be motivated to stay alive, or all of the above. I suppose I share these views, but I dread fulfilling the annoying stereotypes of old people more than actually dying.

Because I have had few personal experiences with people in my life realizing that they had a fatal and incurable disease, I don’t know what the dominant cultural actions are taken in response to such a realization. The only example that I can think of is from a movie called “And the Band Played On”. It is about the first discoveries of AIDS, and the struggles against the havoc it wreaked. The people in the movie who found that they had a fatal incurable disease responded with despair and anger. They had no choice but to rely on the constantly fluctuating discoveries of the doctors. My dad said that he would be torn in that situation. “On one hand, I'm tempted to say that I'd quit my job and try to do things that I've always wanted to do, but on the other hand I can't quit my job, because I need to provide for people. Somehow or another i would probably to spend more time with family.”  He would want to pursue his desires and happiness, which is certainly a huge part of our society. From the Disney Channel to movies like “Post Grad” to self-help books, people are encouraged to “Be themselves” and “Go for their dreams” and “Do what’s best for them.” On the other hand, my father and other middle-class individuals bear the burden of providing for themselves and their family. For some, I think making money to provide for others or themselves and pursuing their dreams is possible. It is evident that many people do not accomplish these two, because demise nearly always accompanies regret and guilt of some kind.